Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
