How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
