You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
