Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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