Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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