Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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