you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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