So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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