Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
