I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
