The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
