I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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