so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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