Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
