Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
