Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
