If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
