God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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