Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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