So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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