The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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