You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
