New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
