I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
