as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the day after is always just damage control
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
