Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
