I can't breathe out the right side of my face
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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