...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
