Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
