I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
whose parrot is this?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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