plz talk dirty to me
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
