Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
