Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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