So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
