Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
