sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
