I have demons in me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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