The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
