I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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