she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
