And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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