can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
