Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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