you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just forgot I was standing up.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
