She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
