i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
