Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Too much gin, very little bucket
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
