umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
