Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
