I love black thongs
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
