He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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