The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I could make wine with my vomit
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
