Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
