I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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