don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
