Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
