the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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